It’s after 10pm on a Sunday evening, and I’m lying in bed with my laptop, trying to form in my head the structure of what I am going to write here.  The past three months of my life have been rather stressful and emotional indeed, and putting into words what has been going on could be a rather long winded, laborious task.

I am going to try instead to keep this concise, more for myself as the writer than you as the reader.

Back in November, I could sense my ability to handle stress getting worse and as a result, my depression deepening.  So, I went to the doctor and was prescribed anti-depressants.  They gave me several side effects; insomnia, emotional instability, and heavily increased anxiety.  It felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster 24/7.  I was signed off work by my doctor, and went through a couple of medication changes until I finally stabilised on my current prescription.

A couple of months on, and I am now on a phased return back to work which is going steady.  I am not back up to full time hours or duties yet, but progress is good.  My anxiety levels have not returned to what they were before, in fact I am now coming to terms with the fact that actually, perhaps I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder….at least where my father is concerned.  I am back in therapy, although at the moment it is very unfocused.  My therapist and I are trying to determine the best direction to go.  Interpersonal Therapy has been discussed but he (my therapist) still is not convinced it is the right path.  I currently have a month’s break from seeing him to consider and deeply think about the question “If therapy could change one thing for me, what would that one thing be?”.  It’s a much harder question that I thought it would be.

During most of December, I practically disappeared from social media.  As my anxiety went up, I felt the need to retreat inwards.  I put my @buckleyourboots Instagram account ‘on hiatus’, and retreated to a private account under the name of @lynzybee.  In January, I started to post to @buckleyourboots again, but as the month continued, I came to the realisation that to truly put myself “back out there” again, I needed a fresh start.  So @buckleyourboots went into retirement…at least as far as Instagram is concerned!  I created a new account, @lindsaypositively, which I am posting to for anything body positivity, OOTD and mental health awareness related.  Anything else is now going onto the @lynzybee account, which is still private.

And what about my blog?  Will I be changing it’s name too?  Honestly, I’m not sure.  I own the buckleyourboots.com domain name, but then I could also look at purchasing lindsaypositively.com, or I could always go back to using lindsaybotterill.com again; Michael has been continuing to pay for it for me.  Options are open to me.

Sometimes, a fresh set of sheets makes all the difference.  I am hoping it does; I want to recommit to the world of blogging.  I think it could be a very therapeutic and rewarding outlet for me.

(Speaking of sheets, aren’t the sheets in the featured image just amazing!  They come from Asda, and can be acquired here.)

 

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