It’s after 10pm on a Sunday evening, and I’m lying in bed with my laptop, trying to form in my head the structure of what I am going to write here. The past three months of my life have been rather stressful and emotional indeed, and putting into words what has been going on could be a rather long winded, laborious task.
I am going to try instead to keep this concise, more for myself as the writer than you as the reader.
Back in November, I could sense my ability to handle stress getting worse and as a result, my depression deepening. So, I went to the doctor and was prescribed anti-depressants. They gave me several side effects; insomnia, emotional instability, and heavily increased anxiety. It felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster 24/7. I was signed off work by my doctor, and went through a couple of medication changes until I finally stabilised on my current prescription.
A couple of months on, and I am now on a phased return back to work which is going steady. I am not back up to full time hours or duties yet, but progress is good. My anxiety levels have not returned to what they were before, in fact I am now coming to terms with the fact that actually, perhaps I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder….at least where my father is concerned. I am back in therapy, although at the moment it is very unfocused. My therapist and I are trying to determine the best direction to go. Interpersonal Therapy has been discussed but he (my therapist) still is not convinced it is the right path. I currently have a month’s break from seeing him to consider and deeply think about the question “If therapy could change one thing for me, what would that one thing be?”. It’s a much harder question that I thought it would be.
During most of December, I practically disappeared from social media. As my anxiety went up, I felt the need to retreat inwards. I put my @buckleyourboots Instagram account ‘on hiatus’, and retreated to a private account under the name of @lynzybee. In January, I started to post to @buckleyourboots again, but as the month continued, I came to the realisation that to truly put myself “back out there” again, I needed a fresh start. So @buckleyourboots went into retirement…at least as far as Instagram is concerned! I created a new account, @lindsaypositively, which I am posting to for anything body positivity, OOTD and mental health awareness related. Anything else is now going onto the @lynzybee account, which is still private.
And what about my blog? Will I be changing it’s name too? Honestly, I’m not sure. I own the buckleyourboots.com domain name, but then I could also look at purchasing lindsaypositively.com, or I could always go back to using lindsaybotterill.com again; Michael has been continuing to pay for it for me. Options are open to me.
Sometimes, a fresh set of sheets makes all the difference. I am hoping it does; I want to recommit to the world of blogging. I think it could be a very therapeutic and rewarding outlet for me.
(Speaking of sheets, aren’t the sheets in the featured image just amazing! They come from Asda, and can be acquired here.)